Life is fragile. Every day is not guaranteed. We all know this but yet we just expect to wake up the next day, do our daily routine, go to sleep and start all over again the next day. I am just as guilty. I sometimes teach each day for granted. Today was a reminder that life is precious. We are not guaranteed tomorrow.
Today I found out my Grandpa Rodney passed away. My Grams called me around 11:30 am while I was having lunch with my friend. I thought it was odd to be getting a call from her at that time because she should be at work. I have learned that whenever my family calls me on my cell phone during the day it usually means something bad. I was right. She called to tell me that Grandpa Rodney had passed away yesterday. She came home to find that he has passed away while she was at work. I was in shock and then the tears came. I could hear the pain her voice. I could hear my strong grandmother trying to keep herself together as she told me the news.
Rodney has always struggled with diabetes as long as I have known him. Mind you, he is not my biological grandfather but the only man I remember being in my Grams' life for almost as long as I have been around. Even before they got married I considered him my grandpa. The last couple of years have been rough for him. He had had eye problems, headache issues, blood sugar issues but when I would see him he would says "Hey Babe, how ya doing?" He would crack a corney joke as we all rolled our eyes.
We used to go to Lake Mead with him to go out on his boat. We would tie ourselves to the boat and go floating the in the lake. He used to buy us kids ice cream from the ice cream truck. He was amazing at making wooden projects. He made me a baby cradle. I remember coming home to my room being redecorated and it being in my room with my baby dolls in it. He even carved a cross in the back of it. It has a plaque on it stating it was for me from him. He could always make the room laugh. He would show up randomly after work so my Nanny could feed him dinner. When he would get tired he would say, "I need to go check my eyelids for holes, Mr. Pillow is calling..." As the years went on, he would wake up and eat breakfast. He would look at me and say, "do you know what time it is? It is time for my post breakfast nap."
The best memory I have of my grandpa is when he married my Grams. That day was so special. They had been together forever and made it legal/official in September of 2008. I was a flower girl in their wedding. The pictures of them at the alter, dancing and cutting the tilting cake (it was a very hot day) are all so special.
I will miss you Grandpa Rodney. You taught me many things and loved me as a granddaughter. I am so lucky to have had you in my life and I will love and miss you every day! I will remember all those great times I was blessed to have spent with you. I will always remember Christmas Eve when you hugged me and told me you loved me. The smile on your face that evening will always be special. I wish I could have seen you one more time but know that you will always and forever be my Grandpa Rodney.
I realized again, with the sudden passing of my grandpa to tell those you love I love you and those you care about that you care about them. His simple, "love you too babe" on that Christmas Eve means even more to me than it did that evening. Life is precious!
Rest in Peace Rodney Lee Hurst! We love you and miss you!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Eating to Live or Living to Eat..... I choose the first option!
After surgery, they not only expect you get up and walk even though you are miserable but they also expect you to eat! How dare them, right? Well, I obviously knew the reasoning behind why they make you get up and walk and knew that would mean being in more pain. What didn't expect was how different eating would be. I had always just eaten to eat whatever I wanted, however much I wanted at the time. Sometimes I would eat a lot, and other times I would eat just a little bit. However, knowing that I just had a surgery to reduce the size of my stomach, it now meant having a lot of restrictions and rules to follow.
One of the hardest rules at first and still to this day is that I cannot drink anything 30 minutes before eating a meal and cannot drink for 30 minutes after a meal and nothing during the meal. This is to ensure there is enough room in my stomach for the food and also to ensure that the water does not push the food out of my stomach too fast making it so that I don't acquire any of the nutrients. It's not as easy as it sounds. The 30 minutes before hand is sometimes hard because my throat becomes dry and I just want a sip. The 30 minutes afterwards is even worse because I can't drink during the meal. I never realized what a luxury it was to eat and drink at the same time. Now I have to look at the clock when I finish eating to figure out what 30 minutes will be so I can drink some water.
The first night in the hospital I was brought chicken broth, light lemonade and tea. Well those who know me know I hate hot drinks so I didn't even bother with the hot tea. They give you one ounce cups and you are supposed to drink one ounce every 15 minutes. The goal is to get 4 ounces in throughout the hour. Yeah, I can tell you that didn't happen. I would rink one ounce and that was it. I was full. I tried the lemonade and one sip of that and that was done. I can't drink lemonade anymore that is for sure. It would take me more than 15 minutes to drink one of those tiny ounces of broth. Not to mention, the broth was NASTY!!!! I did what they wanted. I had to drink so many ounces before I could go home. So on top of everything else I had to drink so many little cups to show them I was getting nutrition and hydration.
Once I got home it wasn't much better. The cups were sent home with me. I used them for a long while. Then Kimmy bought me some small purple bowls (which I still use by the way) and a small pink fork and spoon (which I also still use). The told us that using a smaller spoon and fork would help with the amount we eat with each bite. It actually does help. I was on broth for 2 weeks. I thought it would never go away. I hate the smell of chicken broth now.
There are many stages you go through with the food. There is liquids, pureed (so gross), soft foods and then eventually normal food. It's all a learning process. I never realized how hard it would be to learn how to eat again. When I say "learn" I mean learning which foods my new stomach can tolerate and which foods it won't. Mind you, I have had tummy issues for many years. It was nothing new to me to eat something and get sick. However, the pain of eating something wrong is worse than I have ever felt before. For example, I had a KFC Mashed Potato Bowl. I figured it was mashed potatoes and chicken. I should be safe! Yeah, after 3 bites I was sick as a dog. I lived in the bathroom for about 45 minutes and then went right to bed and cried myself to sleep the pain was so bad. Then there is learning how much to eat! If you over eat you can get sick. Let's just say I didn't eat shrimp for a very long time.
Then there are the safe foods. I love peanut butter, baked potatoes, chicken, green beans, light cheese sticks.... things I know that won't make me sick. I can honestly just be okay eating those for the rest of my life. I know that I have to expand which I am doing slowly. I have learned that it is usually about 4-5 bites and then I am done. I have had several times where my brain will literally tell me "YOU NEED TO STOP!" or it will say "NOPE! CANNOT EAT THAT!" If I try to push the limit I end up spitting it back out. I have learned to follow that little voice that tells me when to stop. I have such a fear of getting sick that I don't like to push my luck.
I drink my two protein shakes a day (except weekends). I have my three meals and two small snacks in between. That is it. I don't eat junk anymore. Yes, I have had the occasional french fry but then realized that can get dangerous and stopped. There is a reason I had the surgery. This is a new chance at life and if I can longer enjoy some of the things I loved like pizza, pasta and sweets that is the way it must be. It hasn't been easy. I have always struggled with food. I have struggled with eating too much, or just not wanting to eat because I was so large.
Now the struggle is knowing I have to eat even though I NEVER feel hungry. Yes, you read that right. I NEVER really feel hungry. The days I do feel hungry are usually days where I know I haven't had enough protein. Sometimes I believe my brain just thinks it's hungry. My body isn't hungry but because I was the type who would eat when I would get emotional or bored it sometimes still thinks I can just go eat whatever I want. I have a routine. Here is the routine Monday - Friday when I work:
6:30 am: Breakfast
9:00 am: 1st protein shake
11:30 am: Lunch
3:00 pm: 2nd protein shake
6:00 pm: Dinner
Sometimes I have snack but no more than two snacks a day. That's what I do each day. In the last 8 months I have trained myself. It hasn't been easy. But it so longer about living to eat, it's about eating to live!
Next in the life of weight loss surgery...... clothes! It sounds great but is also hard at the same time!
One of the hardest rules at first and still to this day is that I cannot drink anything 30 minutes before eating a meal and cannot drink for 30 minutes after a meal and nothing during the meal. This is to ensure there is enough room in my stomach for the food and also to ensure that the water does not push the food out of my stomach too fast making it so that I don't acquire any of the nutrients. It's not as easy as it sounds. The 30 minutes before hand is sometimes hard because my throat becomes dry and I just want a sip. The 30 minutes afterwards is even worse because I can't drink during the meal. I never realized what a luxury it was to eat and drink at the same time. Now I have to look at the clock when I finish eating to figure out what 30 minutes will be so I can drink some water.
The first night in the hospital I was brought chicken broth, light lemonade and tea. Well those who know me know I hate hot drinks so I didn't even bother with the hot tea. They give you one ounce cups and you are supposed to drink one ounce every 15 minutes. The goal is to get 4 ounces in throughout the hour. Yeah, I can tell you that didn't happen. I would rink one ounce and that was it. I was full. I tried the lemonade and one sip of that and that was done. I can't drink lemonade anymore that is for sure. It would take me more than 15 minutes to drink one of those tiny ounces of broth. Not to mention, the broth was NASTY!!!! I did what they wanted. I had to drink so many ounces before I could go home. So on top of everything else I had to drink so many little cups to show them I was getting nutrition and hydration.
Once I got home it wasn't much better. The cups were sent home with me. I used them for a long while. Then Kimmy bought me some small purple bowls (which I still use by the way) and a small pink fork and spoon (which I also still use). The told us that using a smaller spoon and fork would help with the amount we eat with each bite. It actually does help. I was on broth for 2 weeks. I thought it would never go away. I hate the smell of chicken broth now.
There are many stages you go through with the food. There is liquids, pureed (so gross), soft foods and then eventually normal food. It's all a learning process. I never realized how hard it would be to learn how to eat again. When I say "learn" I mean learning which foods my new stomach can tolerate and which foods it won't. Mind you, I have had tummy issues for many years. It was nothing new to me to eat something and get sick. However, the pain of eating something wrong is worse than I have ever felt before. For example, I had a KFC Mashed Potato Bowl. I figured it was mashed potatoes and chicken. I should be safe! Yeah, after 3 bites I was sick as a dog. I lived in the bathroom for about 45 minutes and then went right to bed and cried myself to sleep the pain was so bad. Then there is learning how much to eat! If you over eat you can get sick. Let's just say I didn't eat shrimp for a very long time.
Then there are the safe foods. I love peanut butter, baked potatoes, chicken, green beans, light cheese sticks.... things I know that won't make me sick. I can honestly just be okay eating those for the rest of my life. I know that I have to expand which I am doing slowly. I have learned that it is usually about 4-5 bites and then I am done. I have had several times where my brain will literally tell me "YOU NEED TO STOP!" or it will say "NOPE! CANNOT EAT THAT!" If I try to push the limit I end up spitting it back out. I have learned to follow that little voice that tells me when to stop. I have such a fear of getting sick that I don't like to push my luck.
I drink my two protein shakes a day (except weekends). I have my three meals and two small snacks in between. That is it. I don't eat junk anymore. Yes, I have had the occasional french fry but then realized that can get dangerous and stopped. There is a reason I had the surgery. This is a new chance at life and if I can longer enjoy some of the things I loved like pizza, pasta and sweets that is the way it must be. It hasn't been easy. I have always struggled with food. I have struggled with eating too much, or just not wanting to eat because I was so large.
Now the struggle is knowing I have to eat even though I NEVER feel hungry. Yes, you read that right. I NEVER really feel hungry. The days I do feel hungry are usually days where I know I haven't had enough protein. Sometimes I believe my brain just thinks it's hungry. My body isn't hungry but because I was the type who would eat when I would get emotional or bored it sometimes still thinks I can just go eat whatever I want. I have a routine. Here is the routine Monday - Friday when I work:
6:30 am: Breakfast
9:00 am: 1st protein shake
11:30 am: Lunch
3:00 pm: 2nd protein shake
6:00 pm: Dinner
Sometimes I have snack but no more than two snacks a day. That's what I do each day. In the last 8 months I have trained myself. It hasn't been easy. But it so longer about living to eat, it's about eating to live!
Next in the life of weight loss surgery...... clothes! It sounds great but is also hard at the same time!
Monday, February 23, 2015
The Aftermath of Weight Loss Surgery......
I don't remember much of the first day waking up after surgery. I remember waking up in a lot of pain and them telling me if I stopped moving around the pain wouldn't be so bad. Then I remember waking up in my hospital room and my friend telling me she was heading home. I knew Dan and Kimmy (my best friend) were there with me. I know our friend Robert came to pick Dan up to take him home. Apparently I had had a full on conversation with him but I don't remember all of it.
One of the things they want you to do after surgery is to get up and walk. They want you to walk so that you don't get any blood clots in your legs. I was not in any condition to walk around. I tried a couple of times but I would get dizzy and very sick to my stomach. They told me to stay in bed but if I could at least try to make it to the nurses station once that is all the needed me to do that first day. I was eventually able to get up once and walked to the end of the nurses station, turned around and went right back to bed. That is all I remember of that first day.
Most patients get to go home the next day. Well, as it would turn out, I was not that lucky patient. Between my issues with dizziness, pain and nausea, my potassium went very low and I was not able to go home. I was in the hospital 3 days and 2 nights. I was finally able to get up and walk around a little bit more. I was able to do the laps they wanted me to do around the floor I was on. I was very slow and had to stop several times but I pushed to do it. They were training me on how to eat and how slow everything needed to be. It was hard mentally and physically.
Dan had to stay up in the high desert. My best friend Kimmy stayed by my side through the hospital stay. I was so happy when they told me I could go home. I had to drink some more nasty potassium but if it meant going to home then I was ready to go.
My friend Christel picked me up from the hospital and took me home. It was the longest trip up the hill. I had never felt pain as bad as I was feeling that day. They made 6 small incisions for the surgery. The left side was where most of the heavy work was done and man could I feel it. I knew it was going to hurt. I had my gallbladder removed and that hurt but nothing like this. I was able to get home and went to our spare bedroom where I would be sleeping for the next two months.
When I got home, Dan had picked up a dozen red roses while out with his mom and had bought me two get well cards. They were so sweet of him. They made the room even more lively. Kimmy was staying for the next few days to make sure we had the help we needed. Christel had brought over a mattress so Kimmy would have somewhere to sleep. Between her and Dan I was given a lot of good care.
Moving around and walking was not easy. Every step was painful. Also, being dedicated to my job it was killing me that I was not able to be there to do what needed to be done. We had a board meeting coming up and while I prepared everything single thing I could for my sub it was hard not being there. Also, the physical pain was making me even more emotional than I already am on a normal daily basis. The pain medication helped but I slept a lot! However, I had the support of everyone who got me through those first rough few days....
Then there was the next step....training myself on how to eat all over again.
One of the things they want you to do after surgery is to get up and walk. They want you to walk so that you don't get any blood clots in your legs. I was not in any condition to walk around. I tried a couple of times but I would get dizzy and very sick to my stomach. They told me to stay in bed but if I could at least try to make it to the nurses station once that is all the needed me to do that first day. I was eventually able to get up once and walked to the end of the nurses station, turned around and went right back to bed. That is all I remember of that first day.
Most patients get to go home the next day. Well, as it would turn out, I was not that lucky patient. Between my issues with dizziness, pain and nausea, my potassium went very low and I was not able to go home. I was in the hospital 3 days and 2 nights. I was finally able to get up and walk around a little bit more. I was able to do the laps they wanted me to do around the floor I was on. I was very slow and had to stop several times but I pushed to do it. They were training me on how to eat and how slow everything needed to be. It was hard mentally and physically.
Dan had to stay up in the high desert. My best friend Kimmy stayed by my side through the hospital stay. I was so happy when they told me I could go home. I had to drink some more nasty potassium but if it meant going to home then I was ready to go.
My friend Christel picked me up from the hospital and took me home. It was the longest trip up the hill. I had never felt pain as bad as I was feeling that day. They made 6 small incisions for the surgery. The left side was where most of the heavy work was done and man could I feel it. I knew it was going to hurt. I had my gallbladder removed and that hurt but nothing like this. I was able to get home and went to our spare bedroom where I would be sleeping for the next two months.
When I got home, Dan had picked up a dozen red roses while out with his mom and had bought me two get well cards. They were so sweet of him. They made the room even more lively. Kimmy was staying for the next few days to make sure we had the help we needed. Christel had brought over a mattress so Kimmy would have somewhere to sleep. Between her and Dan I was given a lot of good care.
Moving around and walking was not easy. Every step was painful. Also, being dedicated to my job it was killing me that I was not able to be there to do what needed to be done. We had a board meeting coming up and while I prepared everything single thing I could for my sub it was hard not being there. Also, the physical pain was making me even more emotional than I already am on a normal daily basis. The pain medication helped but I slept a lot! However, I had the support of everyone who got me through those first rough few days....
Then there was the next step....training myself on how to eat all over again.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Day One of a New Life!
I am going to start with the date of June 18, 2014. This Wednesday was no longer just a simple Wednesday. My Wednesdays usually consist of me waking up around 6:15 am - 6:30 am getting ready for work and running out the door by 7:00 am so I can make it to work on time at 7:30 am. Let's just say that didn't always happen but I tried. My husband (Dan)has always done as much as he can to help me with that since I am not a morning person. However, on this patricular day, I was up at 3:00 am and waiting for a friend to pick myself and my hubby up. I was going down to San Bernardino to have surgery. I was having the gastric bypass (RNY) surgery.
I have always been a heavy girl. I remember being the biggest girl in all my classes growing up. I have always struggled trying to accomplish some type of diet and exercise routine. I did everything from watching my calories, diet pills, Weight Watchers and all those over again and again. Nothing worked. Then after getting married and having some talks to my husband who also wanted to have the surgery, I decided I would start the process and decide from there what my final decision would be.
For my insurance to even consider you for the surgery you have to go through 12 weeks of classes. One class per week for 12 weeks. This meant getting off of work, picking up Dan, grabbing a "driving in the car dinner" and getting to class on time. We did this for 12 weeks and never missed a class. Our class started out large and ended up with just a small handful of people. During this process you learn all the does and don'ts of surgery, how things will change and what you will be doing for the rest of your life. Also, they make you partake in a lovely series of medical tests. I found out that I was diabetic and had to start taking Metformin daily and I also had very high blood pressure. While high blood pressure runs in my family, I was not okay with being a diabetic. I was 30 at the time and too young to have to deal with this. It was then I decided no matter what I was going to have the surgery.
We finished the classes, went to a support group (a requirement), got cleared by the psych doctor and then it was time to meet with the surgeon. I went in and found out that I would having surgery in two weeks. I text my boss to let him know I was going to be having surgery. I had so much to plan. I was going to need a sub who I could count on and I was lucky that I found someone who did a great job. I also didn't expect to have a surgery date so fast.
My friend picked myself and Dan up and we headed to the big day. My best friend was meeting us down there. It felt all so surreal to me that it was happening. We showed up to the hospital before they opened and we just had to wait. Finally, we went in, I was registered and heading to the nurses station. I don't think it ever truly hit me that I was going to have a major surgery. When I had my gallbladder removed I was a mess. This time I was at peace. I believe that God knew I just need a calmness about me and gave it to me.
They got me prepped and wheeled me in. I waited about 40 minutes to be taken into the OR and all I remember them saying was "we are going to strap your arms down to the table to make sure if we turn you or anything that you are secure...." and that was it! That was my last memory before my life was completely and forever changed.......
I have always been a heavy girl. I remember being the biggest girl in all my classes growing up. I have always struggled trying to accomplish some type of diet and exercise routine. I did everything from watching my calories, diet pills, Weight Watchers and all those over again and again. Nothing worked. Then after getting married and having some talks to my husband who also wanted to have the surgery, I decided I would start the process and decide from there what my final decision would be.
For my insurance to even consider you for the surgery you have to go through 12 weeks of classes. One class per week for 12 weeks. This meant getting off of work, picking up Dan, grabbing a "driving in the car dinner" and getting to class on time. We did this for 12 weeks and never missed a class. Our class started out large and ended up with just a small handful of people. During this process you learn all the does and don'ts of surgery, how things will change and what you will be doing for the rest of your life. Also, they make you partake in a lovely series of medical tests. I found out that I was diabetic and had to start taking Metformin daily and I also had very high blood pressure. While high blood pressure runs in my family, I was not okay with being a diabetic. I was 30 at the time and too young to have to deal with this. It was then I decided no matter what I was going to have the surgery.
We finished the classes, went to a support group (a requirement), got cleared by the psych doctor and then it was time to meet with the surgeon. I went in and found out that I would having surgery in two weeks. I text my boss to let him know I was going to be having surgery. I had so much to plan. I was going to need a sub who I could count on and I was lucky that I found someone who did a great job. I also didn't expect to have a surgery date so fast.
My friend picked myself and Dan up and we headed to the big day. My best friend was meeting us down there. It felt all so surreal to me that it was happening. We showed up to the hospital before they opened and we just had to wait. Finally, we went in, I was registered and heading to the nurses station. I don't think it ever truly hit me that I was going to have a major surgery. When I had my gallbladder removed I was a mess. This time I was at peace. I believe that God knew I just need a calmness about me and gave it to me.
They got me prepped and wheeled me in. I waited about 40 minutes to be taken into the OR and all I remember them saying was "we are going to strap your arms down to the table to make sure if we turn you or anything that you are secure...." and that was it! That was my last memory before my life was completely and forever changed.......
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